i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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