I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
