Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
