Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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