So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
