I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
how does that bad decision feel?
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