Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
