her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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