I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
