Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
