I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
