If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
