Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............