Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.