I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first