i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
