How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
