Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
