you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
