Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dick very happy bro
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
