Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
