Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
