Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
