Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
