thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
