im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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