i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
