y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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