Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
