I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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