if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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