Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Randomize
