Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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