Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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