I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
