he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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