Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
