Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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