New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
one might say we're banned from that church
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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