I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
