May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I did not marry a roomba.
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