He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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