have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he fucked my hip out of place.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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