got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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