I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
