we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
