Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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