Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
