he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
