Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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