Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
