I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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