why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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