Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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