why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
