I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
