looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize