All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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