he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
