never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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