I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
