I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
