Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
