So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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