I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
