The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
