I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
