Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need to calm my uterus...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
