I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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