Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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