so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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