i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can't believe i had my finger in that
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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