best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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